Posts Tagged by Judge
|June 23, 2014||Posted by Ruth under Inspirational & motivational, Lifestyle, Music, Videos|
I stood face-to-face with her, not more than 3 feet between us.
After desperately hoping that I’d excavate something acceptable from my suitcase for the surprise-to-me event we were headed to, I found myself in this position. Her eyes emotionlessly scanned me from the top of my head to the tips of my not-as-cute-as-could-be comfy travel shoes. Then, her silent review reversed itself, up again – finally resting on my eyes. I had felt her conditional gaze crawl over every inch of my body. By the time she finished taking it all in, her continued silence was too much for me. I averted my eyes & promptly kicked myself for not having brought something cuter that surely would have passed inspection. For the rest of the evening, I was certain that I didn’t fit in.
I could go on about growing a spine; clever retorts I should have/could have spewed; girl power; & women having a sisterhood responsibility to lift each other up. But blahblahblah.
Instead, I am nothing but grateful for that moment now. It taught me endless lessons that I want to gift to you. Maybe you’re already all over this stuff, & you could teach me a thing or three. But I remember the cold electricity of her examination all too well. I know that even the best of us gals (& guys) would be hard pressed to make peace with that scenario. Let me help….
I don’t hate the haters. I don’t take in toxic critics. I made peace with 4 simple promises:
I will never avert my eyes again. When I encounter a scrutinizer, I watch them peruse my person until our eyes meet. Then I smile – a genuinely gentle, warm smile with crinkly eyes. Just like I do with a dog or cat. What happens after that is on them.
I love to people watch. I admire a pulled together, tatted-up hipster; a boho beauty; or an accessory maven. I will look at their effortless style with an eye to translate it to my style. However, I never judge. And I always approach them to let them know that IMHO they knocked it outta the park. The BEST convos come out of this last bit. I met a charming barista with an amazing fly tattoo. It was art on his arm – a true inspiration for my wanna-be dragonfly tat. I spotted a gal whose style completely matched her energy: quirky, comfy wedges; rolled-up boyfriend skinnies; cropped floral jacket over a longer flowy blouse; cat-eye glasses; & mid-length curly-curly red hair. I walked across the restaurant to tell her how adorbs she was (“I love your style!”), and her jaw dropped. She said, “Really?! My kids are always telling me I dress too old.” I told her I thought she rocked it. One drink & 5 more minutes, and I think we could have been besties. Loved her!
Learn how to accept a compliment. Gone are my days of deflecting kind words & letting unkind silent stares scar. If someone gives the gift of a compliment, at the very least, allow them as a kindness to them. Trust me, take it in with a heartfelt thanks as a kindness to yourself, as well.
This is a biggy that I learned from my pets. They bounce out of bed with gunk in their eyes; pottying & breakfast on their minds (usually in that order); & big goofy grins on their bedheads. No one looks in the mirror. No one comments on my appearance. My takeaways: Skip the mirror & the scale first thing in the morning. Love yourself and your family of pets & peeps. When you do get cute, get cute for you alone, wink @ yourself in that mirror, & move on. Take this in: You are lovely & loveable. Your pets know it. If your humans don’t know it, give them a warm smile & move on.
This is not all as shallow as you might think.
It’s not about appearances. It’s about basic decency & kindness. (I almost said “human decency”, but I think we have too much to learn from animals on that concept to claim it.) Truth is, as a wise friend just pointed out to me, I would never have passed that inspection. And that’s ok. That’s on her. Stick with me….and P!nk:
Zoom way out from fashion to see the greater truth:
We are part of all life on this planet. We’re linked with all sentient beings. If you’re not sure about that, feel the difference in your soul between doing a kindness for a person or an animal vs judging or turning your back on them. Take time to be grateful for kindness gifted to you rather than dismissing it as minor in comparison to life’s negatives. Soak up those feelings; remember them. Take them in, my friends. Call on them when you’re down. Pay them forward. Today, do a kindness. It will ripple through the links more than you know. The Universe will take it in and hug you back.
There’s tons to think about here. Please join the convo.
Be as shallow or as philosophical or as zen as you like. We won’t judge you. We think you’re adorbs just as you are. (Say thank you, cutie!) xo ~Ruth & Rusty~
©2014 The Soulful Pet
|July 30, 2013||Posted by Ruth under Inspirational & motivational, Lifestyle, Pup culture, Training/Behavior, Videos, Worthy reads|
So the Pope said this today:
It’s not a huge shift in the Catholic church’s position, but it’s a start.
Believe me, I didn’t wake up this morning thinking that I’d feature the Pope on this blog…. ever. But when he asked, “Who am I to judge?”, this post was born.
I’m not into organized religion. There, I said it.
My dad’s Catholic and my mom’s Methodist. I did double time in both churches as a kid. Eventually, I identified more with Methodists. The Latin spoken rituals-without-explanation and the belief that animals don’t have souls drove me-as-a-child away from the Catholic church. Eventually, I became jaded to structured religion because it fear mongers and judges. Do as I say or you’re going to you-know-where. Fire & brimstone, yada yada yada. They are so sure that they know. That certainty starts wars and alienates good people (women, the LGBTQ community, independent thinkers, scientists, etc.). That’s my take on my experience. I completely respect your love for your religion.
The truth is, no one knows the truth.
I think we’re all on a journey of discovery and self-awareness. That journey is best guided by Socrates’ golden rule: “Do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others.” I simplify it to: “Be kind.” My dear hubby is fond of quoting his dad (& Buddha): “Is what you’re saying kind, necessary and true?” Vets abide by the Hippocratic concept, “First, do no harm.” Anyway you slice it, through time, most religions espouse a version of the golden rule. For that reason, I see it as an undeniable truth.
To follow this rule, you can’t judge others, can you? Thankfully, that makes life easier.
I love Molly Friedenfeld’s thoughts on this. In “The Book of Simple Human Truths“, she explains: “Golden Rule Living is the great simplifier. It places us in another soul’s shoes, taking what can appear to be a complex decision that involves another and streamlining it to a one-step process of deciding, “If I wouldn’t like this done to me, then I shall not do it to another.””
The sword of judging others is double-edged: You also believe you are being judged.
That belief can lead to sometimes paralyzing social fears. It also causes you to self-censor & to live your life for others. Back to my dear mom. She lived the judged life as a preacher’s kid, playing inside the lines of others’ approval. I think she’s still trying to shake that censorship. Her story partially informed my feelings about religion. (For that I’m grateful, Mom.) Steve Maraboli says it well in “Life, the Truth, and Being Free“: ““How would your life be different if… you stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day… you look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.” Life’s too short, people. Just let it go. Accept others for who they are. In doing so, accept yourself.
In my 20 years as a pet behaviorist, I’ve worked with thousands of people from all walks of life.
As with their pets, I can’t help humans if I judge them. You’re not “wrong” if you let your pet sleep in your bed. You’re not “bad” if you let Kitty lick the bottom of your ice cream bowl. (Though you may have a lactose intolerance mess to clean up later.) You’re not confessing pet guardian “sins” if you tell me you enjoy your dog’s enthusiastic, pogo-stick greetings or slobbery canine kisses. A green trainer judges & scolds her clients. But you can’t teach or touch another’s soul if you judge. The best teachers expose a bit of their humanity to their students. We laugh & confess that we’ve shared similar human moments with our pets. Personally, I enjoy a good howl with Rusty. YOLO and Ah-roo!
The stuff we judge others on is ridiculous. Here goes: I’ll expose a bit of my humanity here.
I’m short with curly hair. (I won’t straighten my hair or wear stilettos for anyone. But I do love a cute shoe.) I’m liberal (Shocking, I know). I’m straight. (But fully LGBTQ supportive.) I’m agnostic. (Not atheist, but spiritual; hence “The Soulful Pet”.) I can’t stomach animal or child abuse. (I will judge your ass if I see you hurting another soul.) I’m ex-vegetarian. (Fell off the wagon when I started cooking for my dogs.) I have a twisted sense of humor, and I love a smart scary movie. (I’ve seen Joss Whedon’s “Cabin in the Woods” 3 times. Say the word & I’m in for the 4th.) I don’t like doggy kisses or licks. (I know what you ate in the yard, Pup.) And I use washcloths. (What? Humor my tangent here. There seems to be an anti-washcloth movement a-foot. As a guest I’ve been harshly denied them. My sanity has been questioned by hosts, post washcloth request: “Why do you want one?” Or my all-time favorite: “Why? Are you afraid to touch yourself?”. Really?! It’s a washcloth, not cause for an inquisition.) But I digress…..
Did you catch yourself judging me? I’ll bet you did. The beauty of it is that I don’t care.
I’m fully aware that there were a few hypocrisies in that last paragraph. There should be conflicts, if I’m being honest & healthy. It’s part of my evolving human condition. I need to be true to myself first. Lie to myself to deflect others’ scrutiny? Confess my human traits to another inherently flawed human as though they’re sins? Ain’t got no time for that.
Some of my best teachers in my journey have been animals.
They don’t judge, and they don’t fear judgement. Take Bruno, the Havanese, for example. Despite his quirks, Rusty calls him BFF. Bruno unabashedly barks at animals on TV. And, he happily eats his poop. Heck, he’ll eat Rusty’s poop, asap. And I do mean ASAP. I don’t judge his little, easily remedied coprophagous ways. But that is why I refuse his doggy kisses when he visits. Bruno, do you kiss your mama with that mouth? Geez!
I’ll leave you with this thought:
“No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren’t because you’re trying to please a bunch of judgmental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to be happy. Living the life you want to live is. It really is that simple.” ~Tucker Max~ “Assholes Finish First“
What’s your truth? (Any pet confessions?) What philosophy guides you? How do you deal with the temptation to judge and the judgements of others?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. No judgement here, I promise. Just keep it civil. Haters will be judged swiftly via the delete key. xxoo ~Ruth~
©2013 The Soulful Pet