Posts Tagged by Aggression
|August 4, 2014||Posted by Ruth under Inspirational & motivational, Lifestyle, Pup culture, Training/Behavior|
It took me two days to realize what was wrong.
My now usually happy self was in a ferocious fog. I couldn’t write, sleep or even motivate myself to meditate or walk Rusty. (Right? That’s a poodle problem of epic proportions.) What had come over me?
This morning I thought back: what happened 2 days ago?
Not much, really. I wrote, puttered in the garden, organized the office, paid some bills, went to dinner with a friend, & cheered her hubby on as he pitched his softball game. Wait a minute…..
I also soaked up some emotional toxins.
I’m still getting the hang of this empath thing. That means that I can still be bombarded by others’ negative emotions if I’m not consciously preventing them from entering my body. It can happen if my guard is down or if I’m distracted. Think of it as catching a cold & showing symptoms upon contact with the cold’s carrier – but with bad vibes instead of sneezes. Sometimes you can pinpoint where you picked up the nasty state of mind (& actually feel it enter your body). Sometimes, when you’re in a crowd, it’s hard to pinpoint its source. In this case, my simple empath-meets-epidemiological assessment is that I was infected two days ago at the game. And I’m sure of the source.
I have a thing for boxers. I always will.
So when the woman appeared by the bleachers with her gorgeous adolescent brindle boxer, I lost track of the game. He was full of boxer spirit & bouncy enthusiasm. Despite that, he was doing very well amongst the cheers, flying balls & dog-taunting kids. His human, however, was blind to his accomplishments. The game went on, and now she & her boxer boy stood directly in front of me, providing me with a front row bleacher view of what was to come.
A man walked past the boxer.
The pup, who had held his adolescent energy together quite admirably for over an hour now, jumped toward the passing man. No aggression, just enthusiasm. The woman became pure ego: she yanked her pup back with 2 hands on the leash & all of her might, yelling @ the top of her lungs, “No!! BAD DOG!!”. I was immediately sickened….and angry….and sad. The game was over for me. “Bad” human.
A green trainer would have busted her butt to get in this woman’s face – asap.
Judging her, threatening her, accusing her of boxer abuse, giving unsolicited training advice, or even handing her a business card for future training – all are possibilities if trainer is Ego, too. While I was a green-around-the-gills witness, I know better. A human saving face, running on adrenaline & ego, is not a training moment. It’s a hot mess waiting to happen. Approaching her was out of the question. (Don’t get me wrong: if you see abuse, say something. This was merely bad training, in the public’s eye.) I was grateful that her dog was on a flat collar, but forceful leash corrections on any collar can cause irreversible damage to trachea, thyroid, nervous system & skeletal structure. I watched as her excruciatingly successful negative conditioning caused her sweet boxer to later go hackles up & lip lick as the same man passed by. But hey, he didn’t jump – so she looked good, right? So wrong. Someday, she’ll wonder why her dog snaps at passing men “without warning” while on leash with her.
So I traced my funk back to this fido fiasco.
Now what? I’m left with questions about my integrity, the dog’s well being & her ignorance. What should I do if I encounter her or a version of her again? What’s kind & compassionate? What will her dog benefit from? It’s simple: positive reinforcement. Just as she should have noticed & rewarded her pup’s 95%-stellar teenage behavior to reduce rambunctiousness, I will notice & complement brilliant pet guardians. Perhaps if I had approached this woman as her dog peacefully sat by her, connecting with them via complements, this incident wouldn’t have happened. At least not @ that game directly in front of me. Perhaps. It’s worth a try.
Now, what if the “bad”-human aggression is directed @ you?
That’s harder, isn’t it? For an empath, it’s brutal – especially if it blindsides you. My recent experience with it felt like a knife going into my ribs. It took me 3 days to get over the flu-like symptoms its toxins caused me. That was 3 too many. I turned to a Buddhist tale for this funk fix:
One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up to him and began insulting him. “You have no right to be teaching others!!!”, he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake.” Buddha was not upset by these insults. He just smiled. The man insulted him again and again, but the only reaction he could get back from the Buddha was a smile and silence. Finally, he stomped his feet and left cursing.
The disciples were feeling angry, and one of them couldn’t keep quiet and asked the Buddha, “Why didn’t you reply to the rude man?” The Buddha replied, “If someone offers you a gift and you refuse to accept it, to whom does the gift belong?” “Of course to the person who brought the gift,” replied the disciple. “That is correct,” smiled the Buddha.
You certainly don’t have to be an empath to be negatively affected by funky “bad”-human toxins.
Keep a few fixes in mind to keep inner & outer peace. First, realize that just as the boxer was not a “bad” dog, most people are not “bad” humans. Second, be compassionate. “Bad” human drama usually has an underlying cause, just as dog aggression is usually fear-based. What is going on in that person’s life that caused their behavior? By asking that question, you are not condoning or accepting their toxic “gift”. You are merely understanding. Understanding & compassion are the best anti-toxins going.
I feel much better now. How about you? xo ~Ruth…. & Rusty~
©2014 The Soulful Pet